Things seem to be getting a little tense around her at times, so I thought we should make a set of rules
So in that sense, please read the following, and.... if anyone finds Rule 077, please return it to the list, as rules 076 and 078 are missing it [Edit - Rule 077 has been found, see end of post for details]
Rule 001 - We never talk about Fight Club... sorry Invelos Cluib
Rule 002 - We demand a Shrubbery
Rule 003 - Only citizens may vote
A) Only those who have served in Rico's Roughnecks in the Bug Wars can be citizens.
Rule 004 - Share a problem at Invelos only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
Rule 005 - Bibamus, Moriendum Est!
Rule 006 - Never, Never feed them after midnight
Rule 007 - Two men enter, one man leave!
Rule 008 - taH pagh taHbe (To be or not to be)
Rule 009 - Parlay is not an option.
Rule 010 - Don't get it wet.. you won't be able to visit
Rule 011 - ALWAYS b.y.o.b.
Rule 012 - There can be only one.
Rule 013 - From here on out, No sex until after the wedding.
Rule 014 - No one can be told what Invelos is. You have to see it for yourself.
Rule 015 - The answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is: Monday!
Rule 016 - Skip do not sweat! If you see wet spots on him, it's raining outside!
Rule 017 - DVDP will be all things to all people!
Rule 018 - If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
A) If it ain't broke, break it.
Rule 019 - Applicants must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with....... A HERRING!! (NI!)
Rule 020 - If you want sympathy look in the dictionary between *#$@$ and syphilis
Rule 021 - Pardon is neither granted nor requested.
Rule 022 - Never say "I'll be right back"
Rule 023 - DVDP is people!
Rule 024 - Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
Rule 025 - DVDP. It's a
Cookbook!!!!Rule 026 - In these threads, no one can hear you scream.
Rule 027 - Allways hold ready popcorn and beer for watching verbal pub brawls in the contribution forum
Rule 028 - Serve the public trust
Rule 029 - Protect the innocent
Rule 030 - Uphold the law
Rule 031 - <CLASSIFIED>
Rule 032 - A) If at first you don't succeed - use more force
B) If at first you don't succeed - blame someone else
C) If at first you don't succeed - give up
Rule 033 - IMDB is a four letter word
Rule 034 - There is NO rule 34
Rule 035 - Never give up, never surrender.
Rule 036 - Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Rule 037 - Never draw to an inside straight.
Rule 038 - The Boss* is ALWAYS right.
Rule 039 - If the Boss* is wrong, refer to rule 38.
*Whoever the Boss is!Rule 040 - Censors will be censored!
Rule 041 - All dissenters will be shot on sight
Rule 042 - is 47!
Rule 043 - No one expects the Finnish Contribution.
Rule 044 - CYA.
Rule 045 - You will not use distracting avatars such as richierich's
Rule 046 - Semper Fidelis!!
Rule 047 - Caveat Emptor!
Rule 048 - alea iacta est!
Rule 049 - Et tu, Skip?
A) Veni, vidi, vici! (skip's motto)
Rule 050 - Age ain't nothing but a number.
Rule 051 - You're only as old the the non-gender specific significant other you feel
Rule 052 - There are no stinkin' rules for that thing we are not supposed to mention.
Rule 053 - Pan & Scan is the work of Satan
Rule 054 - Rules must be movie related
Rule 055 - refer to rule one
Rule 056 - When in doubt, go for the nards.
Rule 057 - Don't call anyone Shirley.
A) If anyone claims to actually be named Shirley, demand documentation!
B) If the user is in fact able to produce documentation, make a new rule that that particular type of documentation is as reliable as IMDB, and therefore null and void.
C) Question said person's sanity no one other than Leslie Neilson would acutally admit to being called Shirley.
Rule 058 - An Indictment is not a Conviction.
Rule 059 - There is no Spoon!!!
Rule 060 - If you ever visit some distant planet and find objects that look like eggs, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!
Rule 061 - Always Follow The Rules
Rule 062 - All rules are to be questioned and not being followed blindly.
Rule 063 - Always wear white after labour day.
Rule 064 - Never hide in a closet.
Rule 065 - If it's green and it glows and you're name starts with "Super", it's best to stay back.
A) If it's green and it's big and your name is not "Banner", it's best to run.
Rule 066 - If you have a question, don't just ask it - make it a poll.
Rule 067 - Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins.
Rule 068 - If in a creepy house alone, do NOT run upstairs - RUN AWAY
Rule 069 - Is Divine
Rule 070 - Everything happens according to Invelos schedule, usually on Monday.
Rule 071 - These rules are an addition to the existing DVDP rules for contribution and the DVDP Forum rules
Rule 072 - FunkyLA really wants Rule 69
Rule 073 - If your car runs out of gas, don't go to the deserted looking house to call for help
Rule 074 - Never let the streams cross!
Rule 075 - if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, do it with style
Rule 076 - If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving definitely isn't for you.
Rule 077 -
[Missing in Action, if you find this rule, please contact somebody]Rule 078 - When in self-doubt, hire a fluffer.
Rule 079 - Never hire anyone who was played a character named Anakin to do anything ever again.
Rule 080 - If you are swimming, and you suddenly hear a low dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum... GET OUT OF THE WATER FAST!
Rule 081 - No man is more manly than Ken, no woman hotter than Gerri
(hope that was a good enough suck-up for now )Rule 082 - Don't eat yellow snow.
Rule 083 - Everybody has days where everything goes horribly wrong, whether you're a DVD-collector, sky diving instructor or air traffic controller.
(Loosely based on a Gary Larson quote)Rule 084 - If you're walking along and happen upon a shiny ring lying on the ground,
don't pick it up. It's going to give you nothing but trouble.
Rule 085 - Doesn't matter what you think it's there, just don't go to the basement!!!
Rule 086 - When someone asks you if you're a *God*, you say "YES"!
Rule 087 - You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Rule 089 - (and this as a general rule) don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Rule 090 - if Life is an Illusion why am I Here.... Ahh .... Ken is the Architect of the DVPtrix
Rule 091 - It's all a crazy game, and when it ends, it ends in tears.
Rule 092 - Mice really are the most intelligent beings on earth.
Rule 093 - Mice may be intelligent, cockroaches survive them all.
Rule 094 - To prove people always disagree with you, makes statements that are obviously incorrect.
Rule 095 - A little ranting is good for the soul.
Rule 096 - FunkyLA always gets "the last word"!
A) Unless Kathy wants to have it first
Rule 097 - Earth = Mostly Harmless
Rule 098- Post it they will reply.
Rule 099 - If you wish to be a Secret Agent, then the name "James Bond" will Never Ever be suspected
Rule 100 - When you are searching a house because you think there might be something dangerous, TURN ON the darn lights!!!
Rule 101 - Always Cut The Red Wire
A) Unless the guy telling you to cut the Red Wire is the Baddie
(usually played by a Brit
)
Rule 102 - Don't
ever push the Red Button
A) No, not even if you're stuck in an elevator and the red button says "ALARM" or "HELP" -
don't push it! Just accept the inevitable. Find a pen, write on the wall who should have your DVD's when you're gone, then lie down and die!
Rule 103 - When you get behind the wheel of your car, remember that in that exact moment,
everyone is a complete moron! Expect the unexpected, and don't ever think you can guess what the others are about to do!
A) You too are a moron! You WILL make mistakes, even if you don't notice it yourself - so don't think for a second that you are better than any of the other morons in their tin cans...
Rule 104 - always know where your towel is.
A) Always have your towel with you.
B) Even if it's a powder-blue towel with yellow flowers.
Rule 105 - If you are a minority (such as a black person in a group of whites or a white person in a group of blacks or a smart girl in a sorority) and someone thinks there's a monster about, you will soon find yourself very dead.
Rule 106 - Don't answer the phone!
Rule 107 - Stay on the road. Keep clear of the moors.
Rule 108 - Remember the Five D's:- dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge
Rule 109 - Most movies have 3 trailers made for advertisment, when you have seen all 3 you'll have seen all the good parts
Rule 110 - If you are a teenager and a serial killer is on the loose, do not have sex unless you intend to die a bloody death.
Rule 111 - The spice must flow
A) He who controls the Spice, controls the universe!
Rule 112 - Open other End
Rule 113 - This way up!
Rule 114 - Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!
Rule 115 - IMDb = the blue pill, DVDP = the red pill.
Rule 116 - You don't have to be mad to post here, but it helps
Rule 117 - Always use an ESD wrist strap while working on your pc.
Rule 118 - Resistance is futile!
Rule 119 - DVD Profiler RULES!
Rule 120 - Never,
EVER go chasing after the ship's cat!
Rule 121 - Life Finds a Way
Rule 122 - Never come out of a ships hatch carrying (and yelling) Pickles and Eggs right after someone makes a vague sex joke.
Rule 123 - Pigs must be included where possible.
A) Spider Pig, Spider Pig, Does whatever a spider pig does! Look ouut! He's the Spider Pig!
B) When pigs fly, they fly first class.
Rule 124 - In Amity, you say "yahd".
A) Did you hear your father? Out of the water now! NOW!
Rule 125 - A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
Rule 126 - A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
Rule 127 - A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Rule 128 - No Kill I
Rule 129 - Bring out your dead.
Rule 130 - Kill Bill
Rule 131 - Run if your dentist asks you "is it safe?"
Rule 132 - Never stop thinking up and posting new rules.
Rule 133 - Stop thinking up and posting new rules.
A) Rule 133 is only valid after the year 7500 or when Paris Hilton joins Mensa
Rule 134 - Smurfs are not allowed to contribute DVD's featuring monks
Rule 135 - Keep all rules handy in case of emergency!
Rule 136 - In DVDP Land the week officially starts on Sunday!
Rule 137 - Unless Ken says it starts on Monday.
Rule 138 - Monday lasts for 48 hours
A) Monday is what ever day DVD Profiler gets released
B) Ken has a calender thar reads "Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday"
Rule 139 - DVD Profiler releases have been delayed by too much reading of this thread.
Rule 140 - When in doubt (or when Skip isn't available), blame FunkyLA
Rule 141 - FunkyLA must die
A) Kill FunkyLA only when there is no need for a laugh!
B) FunkyLA gets a wedgie
Rule 142 - Users are excempted from Death when they are sneaky bastards
Rule 143 - Ergo Darth Vader was a victim
Rule 144 - You're allowed three (3) pages of bitching. Then you have to agree to disagree.
Rule 145 - When adding a scan of a bar-code, always consult Tom Cruise before contributing
Rule 146 - If you run out of proflies to edit, you can read a book
Rule 147 - Save the Cheerleader. Save the World!
Rule 148 - Only vote No to a contribution if you really don't like the Avatar of the person.
In that case, also let Gerri know by PM.
Rule 149 - Only credit female Cast Members, in the same order as you noticed them on Screen.
Never credit male Cast Members.
Never ever credit Tom Cruise.
Rule 150 - The Title is the Title, isn't it?
If you still wonder about the title of the DVD, ask the guy at the DVD shop where you bought it.
Rule 151 - CoO. Enter "USA", unless they speak funny: in that case enter "Other".
A) If they move their mouth seconds before or after they speak, enter "Other".
A (Revised) If they move their mouth seconds before or after they speak, enter "Other", else enter "Gaelic", in all other cases use "German", "Dutch", "French" or "Spanish"
Rule 152 - TV series - Overview
Contribute complete synopses, scripts and storyboards of all episodes, including special features. Don't forget to add your comments to the scenes you liked best and some pictures of you with your friends.
Rule 153 - Case Type. If you store your DVDs in a shoe box, let us know.
Rule 154 - Any rule with three exceptions is no rule at all.
Thank you to all of you for submitting these rules, it has been fun
If any of you have any more, please feel free to post them
Oh, and case you think I missed one....
Rule 666 - Never rely on FunkyLA's ability to keep secrets
Ok, over to you, lets see how many silly movie/rule refs we can add
[Edit -
Rule 077 - FunkyLA is blameless, it is the Dark Side's fault!
]